Vir Das Poem- I COME FROM TWO INDIAS – at Kennedy Centre, Washington DC

“The temptation in this moment is to make a video about myself and I don’t wanna do that because I’m reminded that I come from India.

I come… from which India? I come… from two Indias.

Those are the Indias I bring on stage with me right now.

I come… from an India where children in masks hold hands with each other… and yet, I come from an India… where leaders hug each other without masks.

I come from an India where the AQI is 9000, but we still sleep on the roof and look up at the stars.

I come from an India where we worship women during the day and gangrape them at night.

I come from an India where we claim to be divided over Bollywood over twitter and yet united by Bollywood in the darkness of the theatres.

I come from an India where we scoff at sexuality and yet f*** till we reach a billion people.

I come from an India where journalism is supposedly dead because men in fancy studios, in fancy suits, give each other handjobs and yet women on the road with laptops are still telling the truth.

I come from an India where we bleed blue every time we play green. But every time we lose to green we turn orange all of a sudden.

I come from an India where we laugh so loudly in the comfort of our homes that you can hear us through the walls and yet,

I come from an India where we break down the walls of a comedy club because you can hear laughter inside.

I come… from an India where old leaders will not stop talking about their dead fathers and young leaders will not stop following their living mothers.

I come from an India that has the largest working population under 30 on the planet but still listens to 75-year-old leaders with 150-year-old ideas.

I come from an India where every time we get the information we are always available to care for the PM, but we can’t seem to get information on PM CARES

I come from an India where we licked out the British but yet we call the government the ruling party.

I come from an India where women wear saris and sneakers and yet have to take advice from old men who have never worn a saree and will never get to take one-off in their entire lives.

I come from an India where our music is bahut hard but our sentiments are bahut soft

I come from an India where people sleep outside on the road outside the club but man 20 times a year the road is the club.

I come from an India where we take pride in being vegetarian and yet run over the farmers who grow our vegetables.

I come from an India where we claim to fully support the troups until it comes to their pension plan.

I come from an India where we can never be on time no matter where we go but yet we are always early on the Cowin website for some reason.

I come from an India where we have maids and drivers and yet want to come to America to do their job.

I come from an India that self serves and I come from an India that self preserves.

I come from an India that will not shut up and I come from an India that will not speak up.

I come from an India that will accuse me of airing our dirty laundry and yet I come from an India that wears their heart on their sleeve irrespective of how dirty their clothes are.

I come from an India that tells me every single day to go to Pakistan and yet I come from an India that invites Pakistanis over every single day if only… to whoop their a$$ on a cricket field.

I come from an India that is going to watch this and say ‘This isn’t standup comedy, Where is the goddamn joke?’ and yet I come from an India that will watch this and know there is a gigantic joke it just isn’t funny.

I come from an India where children living in basements and writing on comment sections have more courage than men in skyscrapers.

I come from an India there is Hindu and Muslim and Christian and Sikh and Parsi and Jew and when we all look up at the sky we only see one thing together ‘the price of petrol’.

I leave you tonight and go back to that India.

Which India do I go back to? Both of them.

Which India am I proud of? One of them.

Which India is proud of me? None of them.

I wanted to do this because we’re at the Kennedy Center. You know this is a dream for an artist. It’s been mine for a very long time. and the reason it’s a dream is because you get to see great people here. you get to see greatness, on this stage. And this whole room was built for a great man, in his memory.

But as I stand here before you, I am reminded that I represent a great people. Great people who built a great thing… that is turning… into a memory. And I know that you believe in that India like I believe in that India because I can see it in your eyes. And you are in this room tonight, So before I leave your country… I will this stage. And I will put the camera on you. And you make some noise for the India you want to live in. Because I promise you that this is the Kennedy Centre, but tonight this is our fu**ing house. So make some noise for India.”

All credit – Vir Das, Vir Das Comedy